“Band of Brothers”

The New Aubrey / Maturin Musical

Inspired by news of a musical in London to be based on the life of Admiral Lord Nelson, a group of Patrick O’Brian enthusiasts, members of The Gunroom , all old enough to know better but perhaps too inebriated to care, are composing – well, plagiarizing - a show of their own, based on our Hero’s Heroes. Here is our ‘Work In Progress’. Peter Weir, eat your heart out…..

Vanessa Brown opened with:

Jack Aubrey, mother naked, stands at the taffrail, singing:

”There's a bright golden haze on the barky
This mornin it's feelin quite parky
Hammock netting's as high
As Rev'rend Martin's good eye
And the Doctor is off somewhere bein' a spy...

Oh what a beautiful mor-nin'...”

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘Oklahoma!’]

Gary Brown penned Stephen’s reply:

“I know I belong to the land
And the land I belong to is grand!
And when I say
Yeeow!  Ayeh!
Ayipio-ee-ay-ayeh!
I'm only sayin'
You're doin' fine,
Catalonya!
Catalonya, Aye Aye.

See Eh - Tee Eh - Ell Oh  - En Yay
Catalonya, Aye Aye!”

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘Oklahoma!’]

Adam Quinan also praises the homeland, though a different one:

“ DILLON. He is an Irishman!
               For he himself has said it,
               And it's greatly to his credit,
          That he is an Irishman!

ALL. That he is an Irishman!

DILLON. For he might have been a Roosian,
               A French, or Turk, or Proosian,
               Or perhaps Itali-an!

ALL. Or perhaps Itali-an!

DILLON. But in spite of all temptations
               To belong to other nations,
                    He remains an Irishman!

ALL. For in spite of all temptations,
                To belong to other nations,
                    He remains an Irishman! “

[Gilbert & Sullivan, ‘HMS Pinafore’]

Susan Wenger suggested “Wouldn’t it be Lubberly” for Stephen too; with “Smoke and Oakum Gets In Your Eyes” for Jack. And Stephen’s theme song could also be, “ East is East, and West is West; And the wrong one I have chose . . .”

Gary now has us flashing back to Jack receiving his precious orders and singing

(whilst artistically stressing the first syllable of the barky):

”The most beautiful sound I ever heard:
Surprise, the Surprise, the Surprise, the Surprise . . .

All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word . .
Surprise, the Surprise, the Surprise, the Surprise
the Surprise!
I've just got a ship named the Surprise,
And suddenly that  boat
Will always be afloat
For me.

The Surprise!
I've just got a ship named the Surprise,
And suddenly I've figgured
How wonderful a frigate
Can be!
The Surprise!
Say it loud and a broadside's roaring,
Say it soft and it's almost like boarding.

The Surprise,
I'll never stop hailing the Surprise!

The most beautiful sound I ever heard.
Surprise............ “

[Bernstein, Laurents & Sondheim, ‘West Side Story’]

And Paul Mackness lets Jack see his new command for the first time:

"Some enchanted morning, You may see a frigate, You may see a frigate,
Across a misty sea,
And somehow you know, You know even then, That somewhere you'll sail her,
Again and again
 
Some enchanted morning, You see a tall mainmast, You see a tall mainmast,
From a thirty-six,
And somehow you see, She's built just for pace, And fit to chase Frenchies
all over the place."
 

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘South Pacific’]

David Dunn gets Jack away from the dockside:

“Pack up those hawser dishes
Save the Doctor from those fishes
Say goodbye to the Admiral for me
That son of bitch has always bored me
Throw out them Smith love papers
That moldy box of weevily-wafers
Adios, to all that fresh meat
Gonna get me some wet, wet, wet feet

(chorus)
If I can just get off of this Frenchy seaway
Without getting killed or caught
I'd be down that coast in a cloud of smoke
For some ship that I ain’t fought, fought, fought

Here's to you, my Dusky Peach's kiss
Only one I think I will miss
I can hear your Spanish singing
Sweet and low, like a gift you're bringin'
Play it for me one more time now
Got to give it all we can now
I believe every word you're saying
D**n it Timely, I want to keep playing

(chorus)

Stephen's letters are in the mailbox
The barge's crew are at the oarlocks
They're drunk as lords, likely as not
I'm sure there's something the Doctor forgot
Oh Sophia, don't you cry babe
That bearskin suit was truly handmade
We've got puddings to be eatin'
Don't you think it was time we were leavin'”

[Guy Clark, ‘LA Freeway’]

Brian Tansey wants any old rivalries between Our Heroes put to rest:

“The Captain and the Doctor should be friends
Oh The Captain and the Doctor should be friends
One man likes to play the field
The other hides behind a shield
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends

The Captain and the Doctor should be friends
Oh The Captain and the Doctor should be friends
The Captain leads his men with ease
The Doctor’s for the birds and bees
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends. “

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘Oklahoma!’]

And Pete the Surgeon’s Mate shows them making up, complete with stage directions:

~ Pre-dawn. Groaning of timbers working below, sounds of water gurgling
alongside. Low voices of midshipmen forrard. Jack fidgets on the
quarterdeck. He is waiting for something. Or someone.

Suddenly there is a commotion below and Stephen runs on, smiling happily,
tripping lightly up to Jack, who turns to greet him.

“Stephen:
You sail, my good friend, on a darkened sea
That the dawn will soon splash light on.
You wait, Jack my friend, to hark and see
If the sea has a foe to fight on.

Jack:
To fight on.

Stephen:
Now it’s Oh Five hundred and Fifteen,
Aubrey, you’re on the brink.
Better beware, be ready for action,
Or else you’ll be in the drink.

Here in Eighteen hundred and Thirteen,
You face a world at war.
Frenchies and Yankees, promotions and thankee’s,
Glory and prizes to score.

You are eager, willing and ready
To face a stronger foe.
You need someone cunning and steady
To help you win the show.

Jack:
I want honour and action galore
To get my naval kicks.
I gave you an evening’s work ashore
To work out some shady tricks.

Here in Eighteen hundred and Thirteen
I know that I’m naïve.
I depend on courage and gunfire
And that’s what I believe.

Let me fight them yardarm to yardarm,
Honest and true and square.
Underhand ruses, fakes and wild gooses
Stephen, that’s just not fair.

The light grows ever brighter and stronger,
The day must be close at hand.
Stephen, your smile is broader and longer,
Please let me understand.

Stephen:
Now it’s Oh Five Hundred and Nineteen
The enemy can be seen!
A pity for him that we have got
This portable fog machine. “

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘The Sound of Music’]

Gary, well in his cups, continued with Jack’s song to Sophie Williams, soon after he meets the blond bombshell:

“Sloops and brigs and pinks better hark-ee
When I take you out in the barky,
When I take you out in the barky with the sails on top!
Watch those hands and see how they quicken
When ole Bosun's rope-end do flick 'em:
Nosey pokes'll peek thru' their glasses and their eyes will pop!
The port-lids are yeller, the planking is brown,
The fire-bucket's genuine leather,
With topsail yards  y' can strike right down,
In case there's a change in the weather.
Two bright chasers winkin' and blinkin',
Ain't no finer frig. I'm a-thinkin'
You c'n keep your gig if you're thinkin' 'at I'd keer to swap
Fer that shiny, little barky with the sails on the top!”

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘Oklahoma!’]

Though Martin Watts reminds us that Jack has had other amatory desires too:

"Oh Lord, won't you make me Mercedes' best friend?
My friends all know Molly, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won't you make me Mercedes' best friend?”
 
[Janis Joplin, ‘Mercedes Benz’]

Having seen Sophie from Jack’s eye, Susan Collicott cuts to Stephen from Diana’s:

“I used to dream that I would discover
The perfect lover some day.
I knew I'd recognize him
If ever he came 'round my way.
 
I always used to fancy then,
He'd be one of the Godlike kind of men;
With a giant brain and a noble head,
Like the heroes bold in the books I read.
 
But along came Stephen,
Who's not the type at all.
You'd meet him on the street
And never notice him;
 
His form and face,
His manly grace
Are not the kind that you
Would find in a statue,
And I can't explain,
It surely is his brain
That gets me breathin'.
 
I love him
Because he's wonderful,
Because he's just old Stephen.
 
He can't play golf, or tennis, or polo,
Or sing a solo, or row.
He isn't half as handsome
As dozens of men that I know.
 
He isn't tall and straight and burly,
And he dresses far worse than Ted or Curly;
And I can't explain why he should be just
The one, one man in the world for me.
 
He's just my Stephen,
An ordinary boy,
He hasn't got a thing
That I can brag about;
 
And yet to be
Up on his knee
So comfy and roomy
Feels natural to me,
And I can't explain,
It's surely not his brain
That sets me free then.
 
I love him
Because he's
I don't know,
Because he's just my Stephen.”
 
[,Kern & Hammerstein ‘Showboat’]

Though Sara Waterson reminds us that Diana is a practical girl too:

“The French were bred to die for love
They delight in fighting duels
But I prefer a man who lives
And gives expensive jewels......
 
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
But diamonds are a girl's best friend
A man may be grand but he don't pay the rental
On his safe Savoy
Or own his floating 'Ship Ahoy'
 
Men grow cold as girls grow old
We all lose our charms in the end
But square cut or pear shape
Blue rocks don't lose THEIR shape
 
Diamonds are a girl's best friend
Yes diamonds are a girl's best friend
Let's ride!
 
A horse wins your heart but at times he will f*rt
So diamonds are a girl's best friend
A man wins your heart then it all falls apart
To Paris you may run
To have some fun - but keep your gun!
 
There may come a time when a lass needs a guinea
Diamonds are a girl's best friend
There may come a time when a hardboiled Frenchie
Locks the Doctor up,
With that Pup and Capt'n Jack
 
Redeem your guy when stocks are high...
The balloon will soon start to descend
It's then that our spouses
Sail off and Surprise us!
 
Time rolls on, Maturin's gone
And the kid drives you right round the bend
But stiff back or stiff knees
You feel young at Tiffany's
 
I've sworn to affairs that are strictly platonic,
As diamonds are a girl's best friend.
And I think affairs that you must keep Masonic
Are better bets, if little pets
Get big baguettes.
 
Diamonds ... diamonds,
And I mean the Blue Stone,
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
 
Yes diamonds are a girl's best friend
So givvit back!”
 
[Jule Styne & Leo Robin]

And John Germain adds in the same vein:

"Blue Diamonds.....
He's the man, the man with the Laudanum Drops.s.....s....
Such a cold fish...ah..
 
Blue Diamonds.....
He's the man, the man with a Duo of Docs...
Such a long plummet.....
 
Blue Diamonds.....
He's the man, the man without choice to detox...
Such a Strong ******** "
 
[Barry, Bricusse & Newley, ‘Goldfinger’]

Yet Brian Tansey plumbs the depths of her love for the Doctor:

“It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all that I've done
You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she's dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you.
 
I had to let it happen, I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to
 
Don't cry for me Steve Maturin
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance
 
And as for diamonds, and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired
They are illusions
They are not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time.
 
I love you and hope you love me
Don't cry for me Steve Maturin”

[Rice & Lloyd-Webber, ‘Evita’]

But Brian then paints the awful off-screen death scene:

“And now
The bend is near
And so I face ......”
 
[Anka, Thibault & Revaux, ‘My Way’]

Jack now needs prime hands to head into the South Pacific – so Gary sets a recruiting poster to song:

“Lucky Jack may call you,
Any night, any day,
In your heart, you'll hear him call you:
"Come away...Come away."

Lucky Jack will whisper
In the breeze off the sea:
"Here am I, your special Captain!
Come to me, come to me!"

Your own special dreams,
Your own special hopes,
Bloom on the dockside
And shine 'neath the ropes.

If you try, you'll find me
Where the sky meets the sea.
"Here am I your special Captain
Come to me, Come to me."

Lucky Jack,
Lucky Jack,
Lucky Jack!"

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘South Pacific’]

Martin Watts points out what a tough sell this can be:

"Gee Lord St Vincent, we're down on our knees.
No one wants to give a ship to fellows like these."

[Bernstein, Laurents & Sondheim, ‘West Side Story’]

Now Brian Tansey (a.k.a. Alec O’Flaherty) sets the strategic challenge that our Heroes must face:

“ British Navy having trouble, what a sad, sad story
Needed a new hero to restore its former glory
Where oh where was he? Where could that man be?
We looked around, and then we found, the man for you and me.
And now it's
..
 
Springtime for Aubrey and Engerlaaand,
Britania is happy and gay.
And we're sailing faster too ,
Look out,we have a Surprise for you.
 
Springtime for Aubrey and Engerlaaand,
Winter for Boney and France.
Springtime for Aubrey and Engerlaaaand :-
Come on, Surprises go into your dance ...
 
‘I was born Carrick on Suir-in
that is why they call me Maturin.
Don't be stupid, don’t be lazy,
Come and join the Royal Navy’. ”
 
[Gibson, “The Producers”]

Vanessa Brown next has Jack impose his authority:

“I am the very model of a Royal Navy Cap-i-tan
Authority is absolute, my power is Olympian.
I leap about the rigging with the grace of an orangutan,
I swim so well that you could say I'm practically amphibian.
I know the signals flags and colors better than the signal man,
And I shall I share the things I know with every squeaker midshipman
I pride myself on playing cards and knowing things equestrian
And if I tell you so myself I've got the wit of a comedian.

My dear old friend the doctor can speak Latin, Greek or Catalan,
And if you're knocked right on the head he'll fix you up with a trephan,
The man's a bit like Hermes which is why he carries a Caducean.
I love him like a brother even though he is an Irishman.
Now you might think our warring ways are practically barbarian.
But can we bring confusion down on Boney? Yeah you know we can!
We'll fight with pistol, dirk or sword and, if we must, go hand-to-hand.
And if we're lucky while we're at it we'll bring home a big fat merchantman. “

“Although at first I may appear to be a very simple tarpaulin,
My gent'ler side appears when I play my beloved violin.
In our dear, sweet old Surprise we play all night and sail the seven seas,
From Plymouth Hard, around the Horn right down to the Antipodes.
Though the doctor has a fondness for a tincture they call laudanum
And when he goes without I find it makes him rather quarrelsome.
Then when he's feeling churlish he may say he thinks that I'm obese...
But to hell with that, Killick there, Light along the toasted cheese!”

[Gilbert & Sullivan, ‘Pirates of Penzance’]

They soon settle down, and join in Adam Quinan’s refrains:

“CAPT. I am the Captain of the Sophi-a;
ALL. And a right good captain, too!
CAPT. You're very, very good,
                         And be it understood,
                    I command a right good crew,
ALL. We're very, very good,
                         And be it understood,
                    He commands a right good crew.
CAPT. Not related to a peer,
                    I can hand, reef, and steer,
                         And ship a selvagee;
                    I am never known to quail
                    At the fury of a gale,
                         And I'm never, never sick at sea!
ALL. What, never?
CAPT. No, never!
ALL. What, never?
CAPT. Hardly ever!
ALL. He's hardly ever sick at sea!
               Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
               For the hardy Captain of the Sophi-a!

CAPT. I do my best to satisfy you all--
ALL. And with you we're quite content.
CAPT. You're exceedingly polite,
                         And I think it only right
                    To return the compliment.
ALL. We're exceedingly polite,
                         And he thinks it's only right
                    To return the compliment.
CAPT. Bad language or abuse,
                         I never, never use,
                    Whatever the emergency;
                         Though "Bother it" I may
                         Occasionally say,
                    I never use a big, big D--
ALL. What, never?
CAPT. No, never!
ALL. What, never?
CAPT. Hardly ever!
ALL. Hardly ever swears a big, big D--
               Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
               For the well-bred Captain of the Sophi-a! “

[Gilbert & Sullivan, ‘HMS Pinafore’]

and Vanessa Brown pens a Fugue for Our Jolly Tars:

“Sailor 1:
I got the ship right here
Surprise is very dear,
On a bowline nobody can come near.
Can sail
Can sail
The fleet knows this ship can sail
So come to the weather rail
And sail
And sail
 
Sailor 2:
Going to Mauritius
Lively is auspicious
And the spoils of war can be quite delicious
Degree
By Degree
She'll take you where you want to be.
You feel a certain bonhomie
As you sail the sea.
 
Sailor 3:
For sailing at it's best
Come try the Polychrest
Is she heading east or is she heading west?
Who knows?
Who knows?
Sailing this baby has it's woes,
And if it comes on to blow
You'll go
To and fro.
 
Sailor 3: Polychrest!
Sailor 2: Lively!
Sailor 1: Surprise, the Dear!
ALL: I got the ship right HEEEEEERE!”

[Loesser & Burrows, ‘Guys and Dolls’]

Carrie now paints Jack’s more reflective mood:

“All I want is a ship somewhere
To sail away in the fresh sea air,
Bring aboard the doctor in the bosun's chair,
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
 
Lots of bargemen for me to eat,
Firing the guns making lots of heat,
The powder makes the air smell sweet,
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
 
Oh when we are in the doldrums absolutely still,
We know the ship won't budge till the wind returns and the sails start to fill.
 
A drunken sloth resting on my knee,
As long as I have been at sea,
He's looking good to me,
But that wouldn't be loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly, loverly.”
 
[Lerner & Loewe, ‘My Fair Lady’]

And John Germain gives Stephen a similar quiet moment:

"I was lost in France
In the fields the birds were singing
I was lost in France
And the day was just beginning
As I stood there in the morning rain
I had a feeling I can't explain
I was lost in France .... Oh Joy !
Banks, how I wish you could be here!
 
Oh! Jack, shamble over here!

[Scott & Wolfe, ‘Lost in France’]

Sara Waterson next paints a happy scene on deck:
 
“Forget your troubles c'mon get happy,
you better chase all your cares away.
Shout Surprises c'mon get happy
get ready for the sailin day!
 
The sun is shinin c'mon get happy,
the Dear is waitin to take your hand.
shout hallejulah prepare the barky,
we're goin to a far off land!
 
No wimmin to puzzle and quiz you
Only songs and grog and skies!
Oh so exhiliratin
as Surprise flies!
 
We're headin across the ocean so
wash your small clothes in the tide.
it'll be so peaceful
on the other side.
 
 The sun is shinin c'mon get happy,
Jack is waiting to make you a hand.
shipmates, c'mon get happy,
we're sailin for Australia land.
 
Headin 'cross the ocean,
pull up the longboat over the side.
Stephen shall seek those Unknown
creatures far and wide
 
Shout Killick, c'mon get cheese in -
ya better chase all your cares away.
shout Killick! don't forget coffee,
get ready-get ready-get ready,
for Em-barky-ment Day.
 
The sun is shinin c'mon get happy,
Jack'll pay you to bear a hand.
shipmates, c'mon get happy,
we're sailin for Australia land!
 
The sun is shining c'mon hail Bonden,
Jack's with child to leave England.
shipmates, c'mon get happy,
Surprises are one happy band!”
 
[Arlen & Koehler, ‘Summer Stock’]
 
 
In the distance, Katherine Tharp has the Shelmerston lovlies 
sing their hearts out to a departed sailor:
 
“Awkward Davies is the guy I love
Awkward Davies is the guy I love
Awkward Davies is the guy I love
And ain't that too damn bad!
 
Awkward Davies is a psychopath
How his little capers make me laugh
Whether he is falling overboard
Or impaling Frenchies on his sword.
 
He is rather inarticulate
But he's quite a riot on a date.
Such a devil in his shoregoing clothes
And his f* me pumps with silver bows.
 
Awkward Davies is foaming at the mouth
Awkward's always foaming at the mouth
He's about to blow, I make no doubt
And ain't that too damn bad!
 
Awkward Davies is the guy I love. . .”
 
[Rodgers & Hammerstien, ‘South Pacific’]
 
 
But, as Paul Mackness reminds us, sailors like to grumble too, 
even when land beckons:
 
"We've got moonlight on the sea, We've got sunlight on the yards, We've got
got small beer, beef and pork, We've got dancing, dice and cards,
We've a surgeon who'll trepan us, And a captain who likes swimmin', What
ain't we got? We ain't got women.
 
We've a barky that is weatherly, And roomy tho' she's old, We've a Master
who is tuneful, We've Lieutenants who are bold
But we see no lovely mermaids, On this lizard-covered rock
Who have we got? only the Doc!
 
We have nobody to put on a clean duck frock for
There 's only beetles to land on this blasted rock for
 
There is nothing on this isle,
Nothing worth our while
There is nothing worth a smile
That is anywhere near this isle."
 

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘South Pacific’]

 
 
 
Stephen, of course, remains below during-gun practice, and 
Paul Mackness imagines:
 
"The hull is alive, With the sound of gunfire,
With sounds I have heard for too many years,
 
The guns fill the sea, With the sound of gunfire,
So loud that I must put my wax in my ears.
 
I long for the day when I land on those mystic isles,
With my box and my net,
Though when I climb down,
My Breguet is like to get wet.
 
I get off the ship, When the chance is offered,
If a promise is kept, Which it's not just now,
 
My hearts with the bugs, Not aboard the barky,
So I'll sulk. And how."
 
[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘The Sound of Music’]
 
 
But Ginger Johnson soon cheers him up:
 
“Blue pills and slime draughts and pails of black leeches
Pontificating and long Latin speeches
Bleeding the crew come each winter and spring
These are a few of my favorite things.
 
Playing the cello with Jack on the fiddle
Nagging about the expanse of his middle
Cataloging everything that has wings
These are a few of my favorite things.
 
When Diana's been obnoxious
When she wants the moon
I simply whip off someone's arm or his leg
And I feel better soon.”
 
[,Rodgers & Hammerstein ‘The Sound of Music’]
 
 
and Paul also soon gives Killick some work:
 
"I'm going to wash that salt right out of this coat
I'm going to wash that salt right out of this coat
I'm going to wash that salt right out of this coat
And rinse it twice a day.
 
I'm going to stow this silver down in the hold
etc,etc.
In case it's in the way
 
Toast some cheese, Then some more; Show him what a steward's for.
 
I'm going to board that Frenchy with all the rest
etc,etc
Prize money's on the way.”
 

[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘South Pacific’]

 
 
At dinner in the Gunroom, Jack and Stephen for the 100th time recount 
to their fellow officers the tale of their escape from France in the year ’04,
and round off their tale with Brian Tansey’s rousing:
 
“Look for the bear necessities
The simple bear necessities
Forget about your worries and your wife
I mean the bear necessities
With Catalan lamb recipes
That feed the bear - necessities of life
 
The bear necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!
The bear necessities of life will come to you
They’ll come to you”
 
[Sherman & Sherman, ‘The Jungle Book’]
 
 
Now Martin Watts points to the weather taking a turn for the worse:
 
"When you sail through a storm hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm there's a golden prize and the sweet silver
song of an alauda arvensis
Sail on through the wind, sail on through the rain
Though your ship be tossed and blown
Sail on sail on with hope in your heart and you'll never sail alone
You'll never sail alone."
 
[Rodgers & Hammerstein, ‘Carousel’]
 
 
Cut to Kerry Webb’s young seaman, alone on the bowsprit, 
gazing back at the resplendent Jack on the larboard cat-head:
 
“Master of the ship,
Will you look at him,
Rising mother-naked from his morning swim.
Killick with a towel,
Coffee in the pot,
Bacon eggs and cutlets coming hot and hot.
Now let's go and find some Frenchies,
Rush and board them in the smoke,
Firing off the cannon, like they did on Shannon
Glory, how he told them "go for Broke!"
 
[Schonberg & Kretzmer, ‘Les MIserables’]
 
 
Carrie cuts to the crew on the forecastle:
 
“Sail-a-lot, we sail-a-lot,
The Royal Navy sends us far,
So we sail-a-lot, we sail-a-lot...”
 
[Lerner & Loewe, ‘Camelot’]
 
 
 
Susan Collicott starts the Chorus beating to quarters:
 
“When you're a Surprise you're a Surprise all the way, 
from your first cigarillo till your last dying day”...
 
[Bernstein, Laurents & Sondheim, ‘West Side Story’]

Paul Mackness really fires up the crew:

"We're going On The Sea, We're going to chase that frigate, If our mast
falls, re-rig it, We hit the heights last night, Dropped our false lights
last night,
Eastwards, Westwards, on the ocean; Landsmen, seasick, from the motion,
We've gone around the Horn, Although we lost Will Warley, And now another's
poorly, (We were in southern seas, He had the Seat of Freeze,)
Southwards, Northwards, on a bowline; In these huge seas barky's rollin',
We're going to crowd the rail; With Lucky Jack to hunt that Frog down, We're
going to take our prize, then home to Portsmouth town!

Gotta fight you, Acheron; Paint our barky, light along..........."

[Bernstein, Comden & Green, ‘On The Town’; with a touch of Lerner & Loewe, ‘Paint Your Wagon’]

Rowen describes the tumultuous battle that follows:

“Seventy-six big guns, port and starboard side
With a hundred and ten marines close at hand.
They were followed by rows and rows of the finest matelots,
Now with every gunport fully manned!

Seventy-six polished guns caught the morning sun
With a hundred and ten primed muskets right behind
There were more than a dozen mids
Some just small young kids,
And then ships of ev'ry shape and kind.

There were copper bottomed big three-deckers, flying along
Stun-sails out, fourteen knots, oh, glory-o
Royals, t'gallants, courses set for full effect
Each white sail adding a knot or so.

There were frigates, 'vettes and brigantines among the fleet
schooners too, barks and sloops, cutter, barge and gig
Sails of every shape and size,
Pushed ships of every rig devised
O'er the sea, along the wide ocean blue.

There were fifty mounted cannon in the battery
Thundering, thundering louder than before.
But British ships of ev'ry size
And Commodores who'd improvise.
Well, Bob's your uncle, now we've got the shore.”

[Meredith Willson, ‘The Music Man’]

After the ferocious battle, Paul then has Midshipman Lord

William Blakeney sit down with his messmates, and take up

his pen to write home:

“Hello Mother, 
Hello Father, 
Here I am in, 
Quite a lather,
We were fighting, 
Shooting madly, 
When a grapeshot came aboard and hit me badly.
 
Then the Doctor, 
Tied me tighter, 
And I woke up, 
One arm lighter,
And my shipmate, 
Name of Hollom, 
Took a header with a roundshot to the bottom.
 
Take me home, 
Oh Father, Mother,
Take me home, 
I've only got one other
arm; and if I stay aboard Surprise,
it might not be too wise.
 
Just a minute; 
Now we've caught them, 
And we've tricked them, 
And we've fought them,
Tho' my best friend, 
Got promotion, 
And pretty soon we had interred him in the ocean.
 
S'pose I should be, 
Feeling bitter, 
But I'm proving, 
I'm no quitter,
Now I'm feeling, 
Somewhat better, 
So dearest parents kindly disregard this letter.”
 
[Allan Sherman]
 
 
 
 
 
[with apologies to real composers and lyricists alike…..]
 

Anthony G. Brown, 2004